Whether it’s about considering a new mate for yourself just after a drastic breakup or deciding to step into the dating pool after a prolonged period of being single, things can be hard to handle and the struggle to normalize can take time. But sometimes, this takes a quite longer than usual. Perhaps the individual has become well-fixed and used to the “cocoon” he had been in for the time period being, or maybe is fearful of taking chances on a new venture. Such people struggle with a mental build-up called the Dater’s block. Read through to find out more about it.
What is Dater’s block?
The condition is much similar to a term called “writer’s block”, defined as a writer’s inability to proceed with his work. In a similar manner, a person can hold up this mental build up that forbids him from establishing a successful romantic relationship again or sometimes even in the first place. With this, the mind gets taken up by thoughts like whether you are ready to date again, what if everything turns out to be a complete mess?; and the worst—whether your heart is going to break, again? Dater’s block mostly bumps in when it’s least hoped-for, like when you’ve made yourself ready for stepping back into the dating world or even when you’ve met somebody. Once it happens, you run back straight to the benighted corners of ‘singlehood’ and decide to sit there for eternity.
The reason behind Dater’s block.
When it’s about criticising someone, in accordance with human tendencies, we spare no opportunity. We often judge people, being carefree about how bad they are going to take those things up. And that’s a vital factor for the root cause of Dater’s block—fear of criticism. Dater’s block operates on fear; fear of being hurt and foiled, fear of not being prepared; even if you have met the “right” person, you are upset with the thought of screwing things up or might even think that you could have ended up with something better. In a nutshell, it’s the concern of being judged as a less than perfect. Thus, we don’t give things a fresh try and end up delaying things unnecessarily.
A subordinate reason to this mental build-up — anxiousness. Let’s admit, none of us wants to get our lives completely fixed ’cause somewhere we have become used to the fusses. Same is the case with the ones with Dater’s block, they have become habituated to grieving. They affright as they know they are progressing on getting their lives back on rails; they don’t think of their ex anymore and are even falling for someone new, which is probably something they have not done for a long time. This pulls them more back into their former state. Some want to feel perfect before stepping in and some want to know it all beforehand, they know it is unrealistic and this discovery phase can’t be avoided, so they are left stuck and baffled.
Tips to cure Dater’s block.
Go on dates different than usual. Strike down the idea of those old candlelight dinners and bare feet walks along the sea shore. They surely are romantic, but they are too mainstream as well. Think of date ideas that are fun and exploring, like attending a class about learning how to cook or anything, workout together; or go to a concert or to see a band. By doing so, you will not only make your date fun but also progress on knowing each other better.
Encourage yourself for meeting new people. Unless you have met somebody new, you can’t decide on your own whether a person is a good match for you or not. Meet people, talk and spend time around. You will find someone who is, at least 5/10, similar to you and might feel getting along with them isn’t too hard. Even if you can’t, don’t feel like an unfit. It’s normal and definitely not the end of the world.
Give up being critical of yourself. It’s alright if you’re not perfect, none of us is a born dating pro and that’s acceptable. Date without worrying about what’s going to take place next. The worst that can happen is your date running away screaming and swearing you (just kidding). Even if something goes wrong or something bad happens, take note and make sure that you do not have that happen again.